DEVELOP STRENGTH IN YOUR DAILY LIFE

How Strength Develops

I remember hearing my dad tell stories of poverty and suffering. Stories about living in a run down house, using an outhouse, and having to work the farm. He talked about milking cows before going off to school, and picking cotton by hand as a child. These challenges of daily life were necessary for survival and they shaped his strength of character. As a young married man with a family the struggle would continue to produce strength of character as he worked for a better life.

My path to emerging strength was different. My life was easy in the suburbs. I didn't milk cows every day or pick cotton by hand. I mowed the yard, chopped some wood, and had to be home by dark. My friends and I roamed a 5 mile area around the neighborhood and got into situations that we had to get ourselves out of. I didn't have the suffering of daily life to focus my attention. Most of my suffering came from my own choices. I got myself into trouble and it was up to me to get myself out of it. My character developed a little later in life.

Things today are a lot different than when I was a kid. The free range experiences have been replaced by supervised experiences and screen time. Strength of character is still developed today, but it is emerging later in life. Today's world is different, we still need good strong character, but the route we take to get there is different.

Emergence of Voluntary Hardship

Suffering for our ancestors was life threatening in nature. Daily life was filled with challenges like hunger, thirst, and death from exposure. Solving these issues was a daily activity like chopping wood and carrying water. Eventually this routine led to a strength of character. Suffering teaches self mastery. It teaches us to tolerate frustration, endure, and develop mental toughness.

Modern day suffering threatens us with a slow death that is far less obvious. We are plagued by anxiety, depression, apathy, and cravings. We seek escape and comfort from a thousand self destructive pleasures. What we need is to develop strength in our daily life. We need a dose of hardship to teach us what all that pleasure will never do. Hard work produces internal changes before the work is done. We develop mental toughness and a bunch of other struggle skills from the experience of hardship even if that hardship is voluntary. In order to be our best in the modern world, we need to be challenged daily and we need to lean in to it. The action of leaning into or shrinking back from determines much of our character.

Lateralization and Strength Development

When our ancestors applied lessons learned from milking cows, chopping wood, and carrying water to industrialized life they were doing something called lateralization. That is to say, they took a strength, or skill and applied it to a new situation like working in a factory. In today's world, researchers looked at consistent and inconsistent gym goers, and found that "the more discipline and self-restraint you display in one area of your life, the more likely that effect will spill over into other areas of your life" (1). This begs the question "where do you need to demonstrate self discipline or self restraint?

One of the ways we can identify where we need to develop strength of character is by looking at where we are regularly overwhelmed. If we look at our anxieties, worries, and stressors we can see how they simply over power us. While physical strength is highly desirable for chopping wood, carrying water, or lifting weights; problems like marital issues, career challenges, finding purpose, facing down alcohol consumption, or codependency require a new kind of strength.

The axiom, "what ever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is only true if you recover from the experience and adapt to the lesson. We get stronger mentally and emotionally before we see the results physically. Strength of character comes privately before it ever emerges publicly.

Origins of Strength

There is a very interesting point where suffering, survival, and hope collide. This is a point of origin for something that is about to happen. Something new and small and fragile. It begins badly and with the awkwardness of a middle school kid. That is what emerging strength looks like at its point of origin.

Hardened steel is strong and brittle. A little flexibility enhances strength greatly. Much of life is like this, the type of strength we have can be enhanced by other qualities like endurance, acceptance, or active recovery. There are many other types of strength and they all have their origins at some point. Leaning into life's lessons is a fundamental choice that is in our best interest. Develop strength in your daily life by leaning into rather than shrinking away from the challenges your face.

Emerging Strength

Emerging Strength was started to help people through hardships, to help their strength emerge when they don't feel strong yet, and to establish a community of supportive people. Leaning into the tough stuff is not easy, a little coaching can go a long way to improve performance.

Suffering and Hard Times

We help people deal with the problems that make life complicated and confusing. Our life coaching and counseling is directive, focused, and tailor made for our clients. We regularly talk about: identity, purpose, routines, habits, and relationships. At Emerging Strength we have experience helping people fully develop their strength so they can make their lives the best they can possibly be. We have done this with addictions, marriage issues, major life transitions, and other personal struggles.

References

(1) https://www.outsideonline.com/2324201/lifting-weights-helps-ease-anxiety-and-depression

(2) https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/22/well/the-zen-of-weight-lifting.html

(3) https://www.worldcat.org/title/conquering-depression-and-anxiety-through-exercise/oclc/855725497?referer=di&ht=edition

bout Todd Davis, PhD, MFT, LADC

Todd is a Life Coach and Therapist concerned with "How To" issues and the struggles of daily life. He is a guy who sees the same stuff everyone else sees and thinks differently about it; occasionally writing them in a blog. He helps people find their strength virtually anywhere. Todd and his family are making their lives in Knoxville, TN.